Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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