What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
NoShamevember. You game?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
