my mouth tastes like poor choices
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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