my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
