my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
