I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
