yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
