My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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