just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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