I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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