get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
