Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
