This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
