I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well you can't waste a boner
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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