I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
