So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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