sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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