Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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