I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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