i think my mom watched the whole time
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
