I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
