So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
