help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
