i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my poor anus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize