I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
