sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
