My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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