She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
