what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
