"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
