I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He has the fingertips of a God
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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