No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
