She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
