You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
