Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
