i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
