His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
