As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
