we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
