pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
