Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
