Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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