He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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