I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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