either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My life is pants optional.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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