I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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