how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
