Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
