you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
