white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
