life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
