peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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