I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
