So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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