I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
