Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize