every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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