Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
