As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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