It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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