They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
