I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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