ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
