this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
