who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
