it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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